I am never just me and I am never alone
I have the cure for loneliness. And it works.
The cure for loneliness is writing.
But, I hear you protest, isn’t that a solitary pursuit? An activity for introverts and loners? Won’t that just make it worse?
No, and I’ll tell you why.
I remember standing outside school when I was about four or five, trying to understand why I was only me. Why my thoughts and feelings were limited to just mine. I looked at my friends and my mother, and stared into their eyes and realised I could not climb into their heads and become them, I could not occupy the space behind their eyes and see the world as they did. I vividly remember thinking how amazing, strange and sad this was.
But I soon found out that this does not really apply to writers. If you are a writer, you are not limited to being just one person or living just one life. As a writer, I discovered that I was never just me, and I was also, never, ever alone.
When I started to write stories, they were about animals, lost and neglected, looking for love and embarkiing on adventures. I became them. I was them just as much as I was Chantelle. I had to quieten them and hide them when people asked something from me. I had to climb back out of their minds and fully inhabit mine. But I would try to get away with not doing this in full. I’d be eating my dinner, sniffing the air, sure I had picked up the scent of trouble, my eyes darting from side to side, planning an escape. I wasn’t just me. And then when dinner was over, the stories would continue and I would slip back into character.
Throughout my life, I have been all the people I have written about. I have not simply created them, written their stories and then cast them aside. It doesn’t work like that at all. These people come to me, somehow, for some reason. They start off small and grow bigger and bigger, louder, more complex, more real. They are all from me. It blows my mind. It’s like they find me and ask me to tell their story, but that’s not really it. Somehow, they come out of me, because they are me.
And then I am them. I become them in order to write their story, in order to feel what they feel, and do what they do. I think about them so much, picture them, hear them, study them. I lie awake at night, and they are there. Characters from books already written, and characters still developing in my head for future books.
When I least expect it, they pop up and start talking or arguing. They are helping me to write the book. I learn new things about them every day. I will be washing up or making dinner, and suddenly there they are. Because of these people, I am never, ever lonely. I don’t know what it feels like to be bored or alone. Because of them, I don’t know how to have just one train of thought in my head. I don’t know how to have a quiet mind.
Yet, to those that know me, I am often described as quiet.
Sometimes I think the people in my head are the best thing about being a writer. Creating worlds and weaving plots, sharing your work with readers, getting reviews, these are all fantastic, magical things, but being more than one person who is never, ever alone, has to be the best and maybe the most unexpected.
My advice to anyone feeling lonely is to write.
Don’t overthink it. Don’t write for anyone else. Don’t write to get rich or famous. Don’t let anyone stop you. Ignore the naysayers and their frowns of doubt. Write whatever you want. Bend the rules. Break the rules. Make up your own goddamn rules. Write for fun, for frivolity, for yourself, write as if no one is looking over your shoulder. Let it out, whatever it is. Release. Feel better.
How can you ever be lonely again? You can weave words and create worlds. You can listen to the voices in your head then allow them to live, to be alive just like you! You can create whoever and whatever you like.
You will never be lonely now. You have a head full of ideas. Everywhere you go new ones will pop up. Everything you see, hear, smell, taste and touch will become writing material. Conversations, eavesdropping, people-watching — these are your new hobbies! Everywhere you go there is possible content. Stories are everywhere. Everything is a story.
But that is not all. You’re feeling less lonely now but it can go further. To finally cure your loneliness for good, you have to share your words with the world. Release the stories and the poems, the thoughts and the dreams, the hopes and fears, the people you created, the worlds you invented. Share them, spread them, set them free and you will never be lonely again.
And it doesn’t even end there.
There is no need for loneliness as a writer. You can collaborate with others. Share ideas. Throw them around. Join writing groups. Read and support other writers. Share in their journey, give and take, feedback and congratulate, support and take pride in their success too.
You are not alone. You never were.
Written by Chantelle Atkins and previously published on Medium. Chantelle’s latest release, The Mess Of Us can be preordered on Amazon now!
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